This post is all about offering words of comfort for miscarriage.
Knowing the right thing to say in the middle of grief is so hard.
What can one possibly say to soothe the pain of losing a piece of your heart?
Even moreso when someone that has lost their precious baby.
How do you show support in that situation? What can you say?
Well, from someone that has experienced that grief herself, it’s a challenge to come up with the right things to say in that situation, so by all means, don’t feel badly.
It’s an awesome thing that you are actively seeking for ways to support your friend or family member.
Below, you will find some of the most thoughtful words of comfort for miscarriage.
What to Say After a Miscarriage
How do you comfort parents who have experienced a pregnancy loss?
There is no cookie cutter response to that question, because each situation will call for something different.
However, there are a few words that all parents need to hear after a miscarriage.
The suggestions below don’t offer “answers” for this extremely difficult occurrence. They don’t promise better results next time. They don’t try to find a “reason” why the pregnancy loss happened. They simply express humble sympathy and offer support and consolation.
And that is what a mommy in miscarriage really needs.
“It’s Not Your Fault”
Even though moms might already know this deep down, it’s not uncommon for grief to cause our minds to wander.
In the darkest moments, it’s easy for us to start questioning our decisions and make us wonder if we did something to cause this tragedy. At times like these, it’s comforting to be reassured that “it is not your fault”.
Another reason that hearing this from a loved one is comforting is because it takes away any worries that the person saying it is judging us.
“This Must Be So Hard for You”
This phrase offers empathy, without assuming the particular feelings that you think the grieving parents will have. Grief brings about a slew of complex feelings that can change from one minute to the other. You can acknowledge that by offering these empathetic words and then listening to understand where they are at.
“I Can’t Imagine What You’re Going Through. But I’m Here for You”
You can also lead by telling them that you don’t understand. (To be honest, that’s better than saying something like “oh I know how you feel, something like this happened to….”).
The most important thing to do is to let them know you are here for them no matter what. Become a safe place verbally and emotionally and they may feel comfortable enough to lean on you and open up.
“I Don’t Really Know What to Say, But I’m Here”
In many cultures & communities, miscarriage is still very taboo and private, so you might not have all of the information or know what to say.
But, being transparent about that is often enough for many moms. Just remember to add that you’re there to support them in whatever way that they need.
“You Are Not Alone”
When miscarriage first happens, it often feels like you are completely alone. No one else can ever know how it feels to have lost that specific baby… Because of that, the feeling of loneliness can fall heavy on your grieving friend.
In these isolating times, it is reassuring to hear a loved one say that they are standing with you in support and solidarity.
“Don’t Be Hard on Yourself.”
Despite having a miscarriage, a mom might feel the pressure to juggle the same things that she used to juggle, with the same strength and tenacity. She might beat herself up for not being able to meet these expectations.
These words gently remind her that grief is debilitating and that it’s okay to slow down, rest and process these feelings. Encourage her to be gentle with herself and offer to take on some of her duties, so that she can do so.
“Take All the Time You Need”
A parent should never rush the grieving process or feel rushed by others. Encourage them to take all the time they need to recover, emotionally, physically and mentally. The support that people initially offer, usually fades away after some weeks, months and years, even though the pain remains with the family. It means a lot if you can encourage them to call you and lean on you anytime, even long after the pregnancy loss.
What Not to Say to Someone Who Miscarried
Just like there are helpful things to say, there are also statements that are harmful to say. Many of these are well-intentioned words that people utter, not realizing that they could be adding insult to injury.
It’s best not to be ignorant, so here are a few examples of things that you should avoid saying to someone who just lost their baby:
To a mother who has just lost her baby, it is not okay.
Most likely, they don’t want to hear how it will be okay or that it is already okay because that is not the case. Let them know it is perfectly okay not to be okay right now. This is an unfortunately situation, and it’s perfectly reasonable for them to feel all of their feelings right now.
“Now You Get More Time with Your Spouse”
While it could be true, the grieving mother was looking forward to holding their baby. Choosing between more time with their spouse in exchange for having their child is a cruel hypothetical situation to put before her. Many parents have also planned to have their child, so a statement like this does much more harm, than it does good.
“You Can Always Try Again”
It doesn’t matter how many times they try; they are grieving the loss of this baby.
Be there to comfort her for the present moment, without bringing up any other time, because that is the most important thing that she needs right now.
“It Wasn’t Meant to Be”
According to who? This is truly one of the worst things you can say to parents that have lost a pregnancy! It’s quite insensitive to suggest that the hurt and pain they are experiencing now is what’s meant to be.
Anything with this in front of it doesn’t need to be shared with the grieving parents. It is just not helpful and is most likely, going to do more damage than good. Now is not the time to make toxic comparisons but rather a time for comfort and consolation.
“Everything Happens for a Reason”
Just stay away from saying anything like this. There is no possible reason that you or really anyone can offer, to justify the loss of this innocent life.
If you have said any of these things, don’t beat yourself up. You were most likely just saying what you thought was helpful. Moving forward, I encourage you to use the more supportive statements mentioned above.
Quotes About Miscarriage
I want to acknowledge that there are situations where you may not be speaking with the miscarriaged parents directly. You might be writing them a card or commemorating the baby online or during a tribute. In situations like these, you might find that your feelings are best summed up with a quote.
So, I’ve included the following miscarriage quotes, to express condolences and offer sympathy and understanding on this heartbreaking journey.
“A mother’s grief is as timeless as her love” -Joanne Cacciatore
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story.” -Maya Angelou
“In those few weeks of pregnancy you mock up an entire life – who the baby is going to look like, where it’s going to go to college. That’s the loss we suffered.” -Kirstie Alley
“I will hold you in my heart until I can hold you in my arms.” -Peter Pan
“Before I carried the pain, I carried you. And, in my heart, I carry you still” -unknown
“I was going to have a baby, but instead I received an angel.” -unknown
“We wanted to give you the world, but you got heaven instead.” -unknown
“Your wings were ready, but my heart was not.” -unknown
“You were carried for only a moment but are loved for a lifetime.” -unknown
“You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.” -Bob Marley
“Despite the pain and broken heart, your life was a beautiful gift.” -MinMac
“I carried you for every second of your life and I will love you with every second of mine.” -unknown
“You didn’t stay for long, but in those precious few weeks, you changed me forever.” -Zoe Clark-Coates
“There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.” -Mirabel Okeke
“When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly given in its place.” -C.S. Lewis
What to Do for Someone Who Has Miscarried
Support isn’t limited to your words; it can and should be shown by what you do as well. Here are a few ways to give a helping hand:
Write Encouraging Words
Of course, encouraging words are always something a mother needs to hear after a miscarriage. But, writing some comforting words in a card or gifted as framed printable art will comfort her over and over.
Give a Heartfelt Gift
There are so many special gifts that you can give to a mom after pregnancy loss. A card with words of comfort for miscarriage is always a nice thoughtful gift. There are also many jewelry pieces with quotes about losing a baby that can help a mom stay close to their little one.
Recovery Products for Self Care
Mommy’s body needs to recover from being pregnant as well as from the miscarriage itself. You can bring her some products to help with pain, cramping, and bleeding. You can also make her a self care package to promote her return to wellness.
As I pointed out above, grief takes energy…and time. When the pain is new, the last thing the grieving parents will probably want to do is clean or cook.
So, even when they don’t specifically request it, it is likely that they would appreciate your help in these areas.
Serve them by bringing them meals or taking their kids out or their pet out for a walk, so that they don’t have to stress out over these things during this difficult time. Grieving can make it very hard to get back into a routine, so try to be there to help around their home.
Honor the Baby
Plant a tree in honor of baby or give them a personalized stone with baby’s name to place in their garden. When you talk about her little one, use their name if you know it.
Gestures like these are appreciated because if keeps the memories of baby alive and acknowledges the importance of that life.
Knowing how to comfort someone after miscarriage is never easy. However, I hope I’ve given you plenty of words of comfort for miscarriage to bring hope to a grieving mother.
Please know that if you have had a miscarriage, you are not alone in this journey. Use the encouraging and comforting words above to help you get through this challenging time.